I went to the river to cry after work today. I just needed to cry. I wanted to cry. I knew it would feel good, I knew it was exactly what I needed so relieve the stress.
And I sat on the dock on the river, and there were two ducks that jumped off it and into the river. And then there was a big goose that stayed, and stared at me.
And kept staring.
And I cried, and cried. And he just eyed me with his one sided stare. Cocking his head back and forth, trying to figure out what this creature was in front of him. In a big inside out gray sweater, and jayhawk sweatpants.
We stared at each other for a good five minutes or so. And I tried to talk to the big goose, asking for some words of comfort, or a fortune reading or something. And the goose just kept looking at me. With his big black eyes with the eyelids that blinked sideways.
Felt for a brief moment how similar we were. Me and that goose. And how we’re all the same– people, animals, plants, rocks. We’re all here, and we don’t know what tomorrow brings. But we keep going.
But I believe that that goose spoke to me.
And I’m not sure what it told me, yet. But I’m figuring it out.
Then I called my Mom, and bawled my eyes out in our routine exercise. “I’m not really that upset, I just want to cry!!” I sobbed like a maniac.
And she egged me on, and I let it all spill. And it was great.
And then I started laughing as I turned around. I had been on the phone for twenty minutes and forgot about the goose. But when I turned around again, it was still there. Still looking at me. And then it took a shit.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is when I started to feel better.
I got off the phone, and started back.
On the two minute trail back, I came face to face with a dramatically tattooed, weather worn probably homeless man sitting in the middle of the trail drinking a beer.
And I hesitated walking back up past him– as it felt uncomfortable.
But I had to get up the bank, so I decided to just go for it. My teammates would hear me if anything went wrong.
And so I walked past him, and I thought about how he probably heard my entire secret crying session. Just sipping on his beer.