Fields and Freedom

Saved a turtle from a vulture.

Set him free on the river beach, and he swam away with gusto.

Sleeping outside again tonight. Put the tents out, moved our tent a few feet away from a fist sized animal hole in the ground. The top covered in spider webs like icing.

MRSA and sleeping outside again.

It’s been the most unrelaxing night ever.

And I’ve lost my phone. Somewhere in the move. It’s somewhere out in the fields.

In the midst of creating a new philosophical view on my life— I always find this as one of my greatest purposes in life. CHANGE. Experimentation. Enough confidence in yourself and your own ideas to let new ones blow your mind.

I agree with the statement, “what is power without an obstacle?” I’ve always been bothered by this as well. As a ‘peace on Earth’ advocate, I’ve always worried that this identity was forged on a power fundamental. Wanting to change things. That it didn’t necessarily matter what that change was, humanity (or at least great leaders) just wanted credit for making their mark, their change.

I worried that if we actually did have a utopia, where everything was “perfect” it would almost be a more horrific world– because we would not have a purpose. We would not have an obstacle to overcome, a goal to achieve and dream for.

And I’ve read writings by Nietzsche in “The Gay Science” where he basically says that we need chaos and destruction. That if horrible things didn’t happen, we’d never be pushed to rise to that greater good.

And, if in fact I believe humans and nature are one, are god, then humans warring like animals does seem natural and necessary.

But then I think again, it’s also natural for us to be empathetic as huans. And fucked up shit makes us sad, whether it’s happening to us or not. So why not try to reduce misery if we have the chance?

I’m going through a sort of self revolution as well, and have come to the conclusion that I’m going to stop questioning whether it’s worth it or not–and just do it instead. Try new things out, experiment, network and work with others who want to change the way things are. Whether it be our cultural mindset, or our genetic predisposition of thought.

What I’m saying is I’m going to start trying. Doing. Babysteps. Get my feet wet.

JUMP IN

I realized you can’t wait for someone else to make it happen— you’ve got to do it yourself. Which is frustrating/scary/empowering/awesome/a learning experience/life.

A helluva experience that’s full of more anticlimaxes than climaxes. But what I’m learning is those anticlimaxes might be more important than success. They prove to you, why the hell not? I didn’t die from the belly flop, why not take another jump off the board and try something else? I’ve learned that those “insignificant” baby steps are the only things that matter in this big, unpredictable world.

And realize I’ll do a few belly flops. Probably more than a few. But that’s one of the best ways to learn.

Competition does honor our perception of the universe. Competition is progress. I just think we need to change the goal of what we’re competing over. Instead of money, greed and power, how about we compete for character? Compete for being a genuine, authentic, independent thinking human being?

Last night I was out on the front porch talking with Jess and Dre about little forms of activism and doing things instead of just talking about them. And I said that I wanted take some baby steps, really start to do things. And they said they were right behind me.

And then I spilled my water bottle all over my feet, and Dre commented that I was just “getting my feet wet.” Metaphorically and literally.

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