Fodder and Libations

Dinner at Fodder and Libations with Jess. Had a delicious vegetarian burger, and a IPA. First beer in two months.

Night out with Derek and Selena. Passionate social justice advocates- gay black revolutionaries.

Talked about politics and activism. Walked around downtown Sacramento

It was an adventure.

I feel like I’m myself again.

Ending the night at my new coffee shop- the people here already recognize me.

Balance.

I just met a woman from the IRC, International Rescue Committee. And they are looking for interns and volunteers from our program.

And I’m going to do it if I can– might be difficult with my work schedule— but hopefully I work a few 7-3 days, and can go in and volunteer with them 3-5. Would be great experience, and get to meet and help integrate refugees into the Sacramento area. Most of the refugees right now are from Iraq, Afghanistan and the Democratic Republic of the Congo.

I didn’t even really know things like this existed right in my backyard here— it is one of the only international aid organizations in this city– but it’s a great start if I can get some experience with them.

I don’t know why I always thought I would have to be constantly abroad to use an international studies degree– can use it right here!

And case workers– was talking to another guy who works for them- an Aussie. He was saying he just has a BA in International Relations, but a lot of his coworkers have masters of social work. Which is super cool– that you can easily use a social work degree to apply to international situations.

Really excited. Going to work myself out this next few months. But I’m got the motivation to do it, so I will.

Also— realized that all that free time I want to myself— it’s not positive time. It’s because I have been hiding from the world, as I suspected, and not actually because I have much more important things to be doing.

Yes, I do need that 2 hour a night solo reading writing thinking time. But if I am using my social time in an active, progressive and positive way, then I can be as social as I need to. My time of hanging out has come to an end– if someone wants to hang out, we can do that actively, interacting with the world together.

Speaking of, there are some really cool people around me that I have been shitting on because I have been in such a bad mood lately.

There is this one guy from Kansas, Isaac, who is like everything I love about everything. He’s an international journalism major– and he is one of the most interesting people. Skeptical but also kind. Got to love those Kansans.

He’s been asking me to hang out the past few days– and I keep saying no. That I have better things to do. But I realized today that it is just because I am scared.

I need to get  handle on myself- and enjoy this time I have here with these people. These are the people who are going to keep traveling the world.

It’s not them, it’s me. It’s me that has a lot of insecurities with my future to work out. But I’ve started doing just that again. By realizing that I can’t take myself out of the flow of life. I can’t isolate myself and expect things to work out better. I have to learn how to coexist. Get what I need from others- realize that’s it’s okay to say no. But it’s also okay to say yes. And sometimes saying yes is exactly what wakes you up out of that spiral that you’ve got yourself headed down alone.

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