I’m writing stories from the past right now.
Making me a little bit sad. It’s sad to think about before. You can never compare now to then, though. You’ve just got to embrace this as the best possible situation for you.
And I’m growing, thank buddha I’m growing.
But seriously. All these stories. It’s time to escape out of my current life for awhile and explore the past.
And write these stories I’ve got in my blood. I’m exploring the one’s I’ve yet to live every minute, but the one’s that have already happened deserve reflection as well.
Reflection, but not musing.
Musing is bad. Should never waver. Should make a decision, and move on from there. Authenticity.
That’s something I’ve been lacking lately– that firm belief in individuality.
The nature of this program causes us all to have to give up our individuality a little bit- for the sake of the whole. For the team to function.
While the people I’m with out here are super inspiring, and did this all on their own, I notice that a lot of my peers seek validation from one another. When that was one of my pillars to myself– constantly working toward letting go of the urge to get validation from another.
So I’m going to work on that.
And I’m working on that right now– by not telling anyone where I was going. And when I saw people here that I knew– making it clear that I was still here alone.
I’ve got to pee so bad. But I don’t want to have to pack up my laptop and bring it into the bathroom with me. But I should. Traveling 101.
Sheba left our team, and she had our new team leader give me the book “Kim” by Kipling. I will miss them. We weren’t ready for them as a team, but we will remember the few things they had time to teach us forever.
My To Do List:
1. Do not work anywhere near machetes.
2. You can fuck off out of my life.
3. Weekends in Sac volunteer with “Youth Explosion group we met in December.
4. Read with lantern.