Rough Week

Jess and I bugged out for a good solid two hours last night.

Lots of weird revelations.

Today I walked out of work. One of the people in charge on the farm was pressuring me, and making me feel bad about myself for doing exactly what I had the right to do: saying no.

And I walked away. I told one of my teammates, and I said fuck you to her with every step I walked away.

Such a messed up situation. She came back later and said I need to work on speaking up. When that’s exactly what I had been doing all day. What I’ve been doing for the past month.

And I deserve answers. Everything about that situation with her is messed up. And she needs to sort herself out instead of telling me to sort myself out.

But isn’t that the way it always is?

The fucking oven was left on again. Fourth time.

Of course.

9:30 at night, everyone is asleep or out drinking.

Last night, Jess was talking in her sleep. She was making lots of noise, and moving around. She might have been up and rummaging around. I asked her, what? What’s going on? What?“ And she just told me, “Let it go.”

And I waited for her to get quiet, or to stop moving around. And I asked again a few minutes later, still half asleep, “What’s going on? You okay? What’s up?”

And she responds again, deadpan: “Let it go.”

And I went back to sleep.

This morning, I remembered what had happened during our early morning yoga session. And I asked her about it- and she didn’t remember any of it.

The same guy who left the oven on last night is baking again tonight. It’s 11 pm.

I asked him not to, but he wouldn’t listen.

Came out here later in the night and had real talk. First he got upset at me, and said I was treating him like a little kid, and stormed. And then I was really honest with him about the fact that I was having problems right now, and he still paced around, but then finally calmed down and now he’s being really sweet and cooperative.

Poison nightshade all over the garden and people using metal knives on our teflon pans after we’ve been told and have been telling them not to do that for a whole month.

I slept on the couch upstairs last night.

I’m getting a lantern and hiding out in the barn attic to read tonight.

 

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