Smell Like a Dog

When you go for a jog and it is sunny out, you smell like sweet sweat and sun kisses. When you go for a jog when it is cloudy out and a little bit raining, you smell like a wet dog.

Apologizing to roommates as I walk in after a jog with a bowl of lentils and quinoa. “My mom always says it smells like body odor.”

“No, the food doesn’t smell. You just smell like the outside…”

Owning it.

During my jog I ran into turkeys– and smiled as they all flew away. Like chasing your fears away.

Then I passed the herd of white deer up on a hill, and was reminded of the anxiety that is a part of me and will always be present, though I can work daily to keep it at a further and more stable distance.

Then ran down the hill, and was greeted by two horses running parallel to me in the pasture. And was reminded of strength, and the power we all have to turn our weaknesses our proudest achievements.

I’d say it was a productive jog.

Came home and began writing again. I’m really doing it now, I’m finally committing to something in my life. And that is going to be, and will continue to be writing for the rest of my life.

I feel so much more alive and free the more that I write. So much more excited about the everyday. I am ecstatic right now, just getting to eat lunch, drink tea, write and read. Jess on her bed, Tony on mine and I couldn’t feel more focused and alone. I’ve finally figured out how to coexist– to write as well as to live.

George just came in the room to check and see if I wrote today. And I was like, yeah. And then he was like, “If we’re going to be doing this accountability thing I don’t want to lie to one another.” And so I told him that I didn’t write much today, I just wrote a blog post. And I had decided minutes before he came in that I am going to have every other day be a writing day, and the days in between be reading days.

And then I asked him if he did his goals today- and he said he just got finished with an hour of working out.

And then we said goodnight and he walked out of the room. So cute.

He texted me earlier today to see if I had written as well. And I asked him this morning if he had read over his goals for the day.

Good working mutual accountability.

Being accountable to someone you can be honest with makes you want to be better yourself.

Today I got back in the real world.

I wrote a lot, and then I lived a lot. And that is how every day should be.

It’s raining outside right now, and Tony and I are in the living room typing away. He’s looking for a word that mean coincidentally, and beneficially. Any ideas?

Today Ryan’s mom and sister were here visiting, they brought us a ton of tea.

– Just signed up to help with the Fort Bragg food bank, as well as the Noyo Food Forest on the Mendocino coast.

I wrote, went jogging, ate, wrote, stretched, went jogging, wrote and then we went to dinner. Then talked to my lovely brother, then came home to meet the Food Corps and Health Corps people here to make a pizza with us.

Then George and I had our hour date. And then Ricky and I had our hour date. And I learned a lot about both of them. Was really beautiful and organic. George and I are going to help keep one another accountable. Whenever we see one another I’m going to say “Goals” and he’s going to say “Write.” Ricky and had our first conversation alone together, and he told me a lot about his life and who he is, and then he said, enough about me, what about you? He asked for the story behind my short hair. And he really listened and understood.

I wanted to go drink tea out in the rain for our date, and he was ready to go even though it was storming out. Decided against it, and posted up on the couch instead.

After my double date I went back to my room, where Jess is reading my zen book I had loaned her an hour earlier, and she is copying down quotes. She loves it, and I’m so happy because a lot of people don’t give it a chance.

Then we realize that she is providing such good material for me for my writing career. She the inspiration to my Lena Dunham life. She asks me all the time if I’m going to be the second Lena Dunham, and I just realized that that will only happen if I keep experiencing these crazy and surreal situations with her. Jess is my Amy Schumer.

Alas, much of the stories with Jess would not be appropriate on this “family friendly” blog, but know that she is the funniest girl I know, and never ceases to get into new, artistically hilarious and biting situations. She’s making my novel. I finally decided to start taking notes tonight, with her permission.

Trying to come up with a name for her in my book– she wants something Earthy. Any suggestions?

I talked to Jess for quite awhile, and then Megan G texted me a new book I should read. And so I called her, and talked about it instead.

We were on the phone for awhile, catching up and inspiring one another to move out of our comfort zone. And to keep writing. It was good.

Now I’m just sitting here in the living room, jumping and cursing whenever the screen door periodically bangs against the front door from the wind and the storm brewing.

I think it’s probably time for bed, though I have so much to do. PT at 6:30 tomorrow– I might as well get up at 5 and make coffee and write, right?


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