Bars and Breaking Points

We are back in Sacramento.

Long, long day.

At a breaking point.

Been working for nine days straight, tomorrow will be our tenth day- after driving a 13 hour day today.

We are working in the community garden for nine hours, then three hours of cleaning the dorms. Then we might be free for a day or so.

So ready for it.

Also. I’m throwing everything out.

I’m literally just going to have a suitcase.

Last night at our bar the owner threw a plate of homemade cookies on our table. And then an hour later he threw a bag of fries and jalapeno peppers and ranch.

So gruff. So sweet.

Night out in the LGBT district in Sac.

It’s the only place that’s hopping in the whole city.




Just so much.

Today I started off the day a bit hungover.

Jumped in the shower, and then laid around the room and talked with Monica for a good couple hours. Never leaving our beds once.

Headed out, went to a meeting. Where I realized that I am learning to love everyone. But I am still myself. I still get annoyed at the same things, but you have to acknowledge when a person is trying. And when you realize they have special gifts to offer as well. Makes me want to cry.

Everything in life is so fast and rough that it’s easy to forget the fragile ones. It’s easy to forget that we’re all fragile. And that we are all so bad ass strong.

After the meeting, the girls on my team all decided to go out to eat together. It was absolutely beautiful, and they are all beautiful and I love them all very much. They are all so sassy and unique.

So we went to the Cantonese restuarant, and had a blast.

Decided that we’re all going to start a business together, and our logo is going to be Girlsthatdon’tgiveafuck–butgiveafuckaboutpeople. These girls really don’t give a fuck- they do whatever they want. But they are also some of the sweetest and thoughtful people I’ve met in a long time.

We ended up discussing politics over dinner. It came up organically, and I actually had no part in instigating it. But we got into education, and how liberal arts have funding cut- when they should just cut the sports team budget- and especially the military’s. And we talked about PSTD, and we all read our fortune cookie fortunes to one another, and Jess said “This too shall pass” and “All you have is all you need.”

When we were leaving, our sister team from Oregon walked in. And we shared our eggplant dish with them, and gave them all hugs.

And then we went home and sat outside in the 70 degree weather and brilliant sunshine in the cloudless day. And we wrote a poem for one of our teammates who is having a rough time.

And then one of our teammates mom’s stopped by with pizza. They are from Sacramento, so she visits us and is super sweet. As I was walking away she said “As long as you’re having fun, that’s the point of life.”

And then I went and skyped my family, and then I did a bunch of catch up work.

And got in bed and stared at the ceiling for a good hour or two.

Supposed to do a movie night, but I really just want to go to bed. I’ve got a lot of organizing to do, and getting ready for break.

Lots of things.

Lots of things.

It’s hard to keep track of everything when you start interacting with everyone.

I realize that I’ve always been a bit of an extrovert. And that’s probably why I was depressed a lot of my earlier life. Because I didn’t know how to make the connections that I absolutely love.

I love I love I love.

Last night we went out, and had a really fun time. We went out at 5 pm, and came home at 2 am. That’s what you call a party. That’s also what you call exhausting.

Highlights from the night: Jess and Monica got to hang out. They are two of the funniest people that I know and I knew they would love each other with their outrageous selves.

Also, I got to know Derek and Joe better.

And Dre laughed at my dancing for a good two hours as it got increasing more dramatic.

Carinne is the craziest woman that I know. She literally danced up on every person in that bar. It wasn’t even a dance club, it was a bar. And she was dancing right up on everyone’s chair and pulling them up on the floor. She can talk to anyone, and she can make anyone laugh and feel alive. She is one of those people that you have no idea how they do it, but you’re so glad that they do.

And then I got to hang out with Colin a lot more. And we actually spent a lot of time talking throughout the night. We hung out at the beginning of the year, and I thought that he absolutely hated me. Turned out he was just shy. Still is just shy. But is mad funny and interesting. We sat looking in the open window outside a bar for a good half hour- watching Carinne interact with a 70 year old gay man, and making up the conversations we believed they were having.

Then we all hung out at the burger joint down the street for an hour or so. It is our homebase downtown. There were so many drunk gay and lesbian couples eating fries and burgers- it was so interesting to see the culture.

Got a lift home from a cab driver, and the middle seatbelt was broken. So I threw my arms over Joe and was a seatbelt for the last half hour of the night.

Before we went out yesterday Carinne and Jess and I went to the Thai restaurant, and the owner was so excited to see us. And told me to tell Mom and Pop hello! xxxxx

After we finished our meal, this woman sitting at the table opposite us came over. “Are you all from San Francisco? No? Oh, you looked like it. I thought you looked like people that might be interested in my meditation classes and holistic foods classes?” Her name was Ghazelle, and her husband and baby were the cutest and she wore a turban and seemed to own the world. We said, yes Ghazelle. Jess is shitting herself because she’s always thinking about meditation. I am a whole foods nerd. And Carinne is so into yoga. And she told us she felt our energies across the room. And she’s all about tuning into our chakras or whatever. And it was magical and perfect. And honestly, five minutes before she walked over I thought about saying to Jess and Carinne, isn’t it odd how everything seems to just flow together?


And before that, I’m sure I did some other things. But I’m so tired right now. And life is so big and beautiful. And so are you.

When we find love in ourselves and project it out into the universe and those around us, that’s being raw.


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