Change

To find perfect

Composure

In the midst of change

Is to find nirvana

-Shunryu Suzuki

 

My team went to volunteer at an animal shelter this morning, and the other team is volunteering this afternoon.

I got a ride with the other team into town, and then am chilling here until my team gets here, spends time here and then decides to leave.

My friend was putting his head on my shoulder on the ride to town this morning. And I could honestly feel the prickles rising out of my skin.

I am not the person to cuddle right now.

I’m taking my own path right now. And I need you to let me wander.

I told the other team that I was peacing out when I walked out of the car. And I’ve had this cafe to myself all morning.

Keep thinking I’m organized, and then realizing that I have so much more to do. Story of my life.

My mind is somewhere completely different than social right now. Not sure exactly where- but more in tune with myself for sure.

Now it’s time to learn the balancing act. I don’t need to shut everyone out, I just need to learn to coexist. These people here really respect boundaries, we have to. We live, work and play together.

Time alone is accepted without question.

And time together is happening every night for the rest of our first term.

Tonight we are working on completing a portfolio for our time here. Tomorrow is girls night. Tuesday is our informational interview with the cafe.

This morning of solitude will keep me going for a long time.

Take what you can get when you get it. And grow stronger when you can’t.

Last night I had some stressful phone conversations for about 2 hours, and throughout all of them I was pacing around a tiny crowded laundry room with about ten tiny kids running around in circles around the machines and brushing my kneecaps as they squealed.

What are you still doing up?”

“I’m getting my life together”

“Wicked…

I feel good.

I figured it out.

I found myself again.

Thank you universe for coffee shops and wifi.

Thank you universe for places exempt from wifi and coffee shops as well.

Thank you everyone in my life for being there for me.

Thank you for always supporting me, and being there when I call.

I love you all so much.

I’m changing myself right now.

I’m spread out with my life on the table. Ordered a burrito, and cute worldly barista comes up and hand delivers it to me.

Asks if he can check out my book as he pulls it out from underneath the pile of my papers. And it’s a really explicit book, but you couldn’t tell from the cover. So he turns it over and reads it. And then is like, yeah. And gives me a name of another book of a similar theme.

Really funny and casual. One of those life changing moments when you realize how you’re never alone. There’s always someone interested in the same things as you. And in you?

11/26/14

Set a worm free as it squirmed toward my pillow this morning.

11/27/14

Set a snail free outside whom I woke up beside. Dove back into bed after 12 hours of sleep.

I’m wearing the hamsa again. I see a little bit of myself in everyone here.

“You let life penetrate you fully, that’s how you’re able to leave it” -Tuesdays with Morrie

 

11/28/14

Woke up with worm at my bedside again. Pillow a few feet from the door, sleeping on ground. Worm making its way to me. Shitting mud. Let’s set him free.

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