Yesterday after work we went on an interpretive walk with a ranger around the canyon area of the rainforest. It was raining super hard all day, and the forest of tall mossy trees surrounding us turned into even more of a magic fairy tale than it usually is.
We walked on top of the waterfalls, and looked down. I saw faces in the mist rising up from the bottom of the falls.
I decided to become more one with nature. And then I started getting annoyed with everyone talking to me.
I realized that I have been in extrovert mode since I’ve been here. Even when I am taking quiet time alone, I never let myself get to the place that I was this summer and this past year. So internally productive and externally conservative.
So I got a little more internally motivated, and then my social life deteriorated for the rest of the day. Or maybe it was just balancing itself out. Because I have been increasingly more social than I could have ever expected in the past month.
Regardless, by the end of the day I was not having any of it. I was driving the van to get showers around 9 pm, and something switched. I started taking backseat driving comments personally, and taking everything as an attack. I didn’t want anyone talking to me much less joking with me.
When I got back to housing around 10, people kept coming up to me and touching me and asking to borrow things and I was supremely pissed off at that point. This was my time, and I wanted to use it for me.
I’m generally like this more often, and get annoyed whenever people infringe upon my time or don’t respect my time. For the past three months now I’ve learned to let that go, though. Which has been great for my stress levels, but probably not quite so good for my productive levels. I have made significant strides in the past few months on a social level- and learned to deal with so many different kinds of people. Just let things roll off my back, or address things that need addressed. But last night I went back to the achievement oriented introvert way of interacting in the world, and I had no place to escape to. I went to my sleeping bag in the middle of the room, and pulled my sleeping bag up over my head. Of course like three more people came over and leaned their heads over me, so I got up ten minutes later and spent the rest of the evening talking it out by the fire with Clint.
I’m impressed that I have not gotten to this point yet. I knew it was coming, though. If it didn’t come, I wouldn’t be me. I wouldn’t be the wanderlust gypsy that I am. The constantly moving and vibrant person I aspire to be daily. But now that it is here, it’s time to reevaluate things and set up a pace that will work for me the next seven months. And learning how to set the pace for the rest of my life as well. I don’t always have to run away, you can make a place completely new and different just by changing mindset and the way you approach a situation.
Make it work for you. And then run away when the next adventure presents itself. But finish adventures. : )
Shawniece and I are going into Salem today to set up recruiting events. Should be a little adventure. I’ve filled up my thermos with a nice Americano from the park cafe, and am now sitting in front of the fire again for lunch.
Last night I made lentils for dinner– huge success. Carrots, tomatoes, sauteed onions and garlic, and peas along with quinoa. The meal, with leftovers that everone brought for lunch, cost less than 20 dollars for 11 people.
We’ve had 80 dollars worth of beef, and 40 dollars worth of chicken sitting defrosting in our sink for the past two days. For one meal.
Done with that shit. I was trying not to be the annoying vegetarian before, but that is absolutely not okay. We only get 200 dollars a week for food, you can’t spend half of it on beef for a stew.
Going to have some conversations tonight.
Tonight is team bonding night, our first. See how that goes as I feel the least team spirit as I’ve felt in awhile.
This morning I went to the doctor. And she was beautiful and lovely and I will love her forever.
When I got back we were having a meeting with our park ranger. He is one of the most inspired people I have met since being here.
I’m sitting around the fire again today, and sending vibes out of every fiber of my being. Not on purpose, but it’s definitely happening. People are sitting down next to me, and then walking away a few minutes later.
I’ve felt like glue for the past few months. And now I am rubber.
Hiked through thorny blackberry bushes up to my arms all morning, hacking ivy off the trees.
Made burritos for the team for dinner.
Well I have a shitton of words I still need to look up. Because of my erotic stories by women book… yeah, I get weird looks. I love it. I LOVE IT.