Our Barn

We hear the coyotes when we wake up in the morning

There is a constant knocking on our barn door from the wind which sounds like the ghost of Silver Falls.

We’ve got bears and mountain lion warnings on the trees around us.

We don’t lock the doors at night.

I don’t think they can lock.

And the barn is pitch black and inviting terror.

Last night we went out in a tiny town an hour away- the closest glimpse of society near us.

We didn’t plan on it, but the only thing open at 8 pm on a Friday night were the bars, so we proceeded to let the night lead us.

Turned up at this cute little pub, it was hopping with lots of Oregonian locals. Then a live folk band got on stage- all flannel and hipster northern beards. We sang along and drank along.

The last song they played that night was “I want you back” by Michael Jackson, and I started crying a little bit and writing a lot.

Jess and I got big plates of mac and cheese. And lots of IPAs.

It was pretty wonderful.

A few locals came over to our table and shook everyone’s hand.

“It’s so good to see some out of towners here! This is the place to be!”

We got home and stared at the stars for a memorizing hour in the freezing cold. Then went inside and warmed up and joked around the campfire until the early morning hours.

Today we went into town again, and I spent my time doing laundry, checking email, calling family and Deb, and then booking a ticket to PORTLAND with Tony and Jess and then hit up the post office, ate tatter tots at the pub with Jess, and now I’m blogging and trying to use my time wisely before we leave. We have been “leaving at any minute” for the past hour. This is my life now.

We are making homemade pizza back home in our freezer of a barn (it does not get above 32 degrees once the sun goes down.) We are MOVING ON WEDNESDAY! Just get me to Wednesday!

I miss my family. I miss being close to everyone I care most about in the world. But I think the beautiful thing is that it will never matter where we are all at in the world- we are together forever, regardless.

I think I felt that really hard today. Had a bit of a cry.

Had a bit of a worry.

Had a bit of a laugh.

And some tatter tots.

And now I’m back.

And I’m telling you all that I love you more than you can possibly imagine.

And it looks like I’m running away from my home when I do these adventures-

But really-

It’s always for you all.

I want to make you proud.

I want to live a life I’ve always dreamed of

And send you postcards from every nook and cranny of the big wide world

And let you know at every moment of my life

That you are the reason I am here

You are the reason that I am learning to be brave

You are the reason I am telling my stories.

You are my family

And I know I’m never going to find anything like you guys in the whole world. So why keep searching the world over?

Because I’ve already found exactly what I care about in the world.

And now this is all just extra. This is all my cinnamon. My spice. My zimt.

Thanks for being my flour.



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