Chocolate Covered Crickets

Today I slept in. Wonderful.

Went for a jog, had a two hour team meeting, cut our belts, shined our boots and then I headed downtown with my roommate Monica.

We got our fortunes read, ten dollars for two questions, and the lady couldn’t have been further from the truth about me. She said I would be married and settled down by this summer. She was really jiving with Monica though, and Monica got a great fortune.

I came home and told Hannah my fortune, and said I had no plans of carrying it out. Hannah looked at me seriously and said, “Do you believe in going against fate?”

I said, fuck yeah.

And she gave me a high five and said, “I support you, sister.”

x

After we got our fortunes read we went to the taffy shop for free salt water taffy and free chocolate covered crickets, which tasted like Andes mints.

Had a great conversation on the way home about relationships.

Back home I met Mom and Pop down the street. Then we went to the Thai restaurant for the second night in a row, and the beautiful Thai man that owned the place welcomed us back in with the biggest smile and open arms. He brought us free Thai tea and coconut water. We got vegetarian egg rolls, drunken noodles, pad thai and red curry. Yum.

We’ll probably go again next Saturday when they get back from their roadtrip.

After that we went to downtown Sacramento and wandered around. Checked out the river, and the old fashioned wooden doors, patios and street fronts like a scene out a Western movie.

Back at home I sat and ate mochi with Hannah and then lasagna with my teammates.

Then I ended up here in the computer lab drinking chamomile tea and typing out chapter one of my book to send to Ben.

Fucking increasingly impressed by humanity. We got a lot of shit but we got a lot of good, too. Makes me want to cry. That I never thought of the good before. And now I can finally see it. And I want to thank whatever change occurred, me or the universe, I want to thank that.

And I want to thank opportunity.

It all changed when I decided to study abroad. And ever since then, it’s been different in the way that I see the world. Bright, alive, full of opportunity to create your own life. Every minute of it. I get down but I’m not living in the glass jar anymore.

And I’m really thankful for that.

And I’m just really proud to be here and alive and human and part of the human race and the world and the universe.

And I believe now. I don’t know that I believe in anything outside of what I can see, but I finally learned how to believe in what I can see. First time in my life.

And the only reason I can believe in everything else is because I finally learned how to believe in myself.

Never going to fear opportunity because opportunity is where change happens. Opportunity is what saves lives, and opens eyes tightly sealed shut. Choose to let it help you grow for the better, help you see the world clearer, help you see yourself clearer. And learn to accept and respect it all, but also take charge of who you are and what kind of mark you want to leave on the world every minute of the day.

Last night was so much fun.

My roommate Monica brought two of her teammates, and I brought two of mine, and one of the guys from the team we’ll be partnering with in Oregon. The train was down for the night so we took the bus into town, found an awesome little dive bar after scouring downtown Sacramento, and ended up buying quite a few pitchers of beer to share on the back patio- the trees lit up by lights and tattooed hipsters pacing around us.

Ended up at a vegan pizza shop later that night, and then used an app on someone’s phone to catch a ride.

Got a ride with this sweet Indian man named Manny who works full time and then drives people on the weekends for extra cash. I sat up front with him and we bonded. He told me all about the area, and my teammate from Virginia started singing along to the country songs on the radio in the back.

It was a really, really good fun solid night. Not awkward at all, just really chill and fun.

Were out pretty late, maybe 1 or 2, and then I had to wake up at 7 today for a volunteer project I had signed up for. Which turned out to be 8 hours long. I was so tired by the end, and all I did was stand around while people auctioned off celebrity purses which went for 11,000 dollars and up. I have literally never seen anything like it in my life.

Mom and Pop got there after that, and we went to the Russian grocery store and then the Thai restaurant. It was amazing food and company.

After that, it was all a blur. I went on a run, went to run errands, took a shower, did laundry, made dinner, emailed a list explaining why I wanted the positions I chose for our team specialty assignments, chatted with Jisu online and then here I am now. It’s been a day. It’s been a week.

It’s been great.

I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that, no matter how timid or shy or terrified of the world I am, I am an adventurer at heart. And perhaps that shyness and fear is exactly what is turning me into the adventurer I always dreamed of being.

Settling into routine here now though, I have friends whom I text and actually want to hang out with, I have a really chill and easy going, open minded team and I have two lovely roommates who turn the mood lights on and play Sea Wolf and make everything feel like a break from social, even when we’re talking, instead of social stress.

In general though, I’ve already changed a lot. I’ve learned how to sit for 12 hours a day and be on time and follow through. And I’m learning social doesn’t have to wear you out so fast, it’s the way in which you approach social situations. Save your energy, keep to yourself, then you have all to give when you are suddenly intrigued by a situation or person. Which you will be. Because life happens when you show up.

GOT TRAINED IN CPR, FIRST AID AND AEDs today.

GOING TO BE MOVING TO OREGON IN THREE WEEKS!

CAMPING HALLOWEEN WEEKEND IN THE REDWOODS.

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