Amazing law class. Feel really comfortable speaking in that class, musing on human nature and power structures.
Sat next to two students from Africa, absolutely LOVE hearing their perspectives.
German guy sitting behind me, and when the professor brought up morals and communism for reasons for war- the German guy asked WHY? and wouldn’t let it go. And I fell half in love with the Deutsch man. “State control of government does not KILL people, how is it that you understand this term differently from me?”
I used to be frustrated with myself because I couldn’t stay ANGRY with anyone for long.
But I’ve learned I have the power of something much, much stronger than simple anger.
I give people everything when I first meet them and it’s a really hard to get on my bad side.
But if you have enough in you to get to my bad side, you probably don’t have a chance of getting back to good.
I don’t exactly hold grudges, but I do make character judgments.
There are so many people in the world, and I have learned to make executive decisions on where I draw my line, and what it takes to get back.
I really value this part of myself, the taking no shit part of myself.
I really don’t care about getting everyone to like me. I don’t need to beg for anyone’s friendship back, except the ones I really value. And those relationships never get to the point of no return, because there is mutual respect.
Up early, got some lilies for my love, Debbie.
CMS web designer class at 10 this morning, got paid by CREES to attend, and now going to be working on web design for them!
Work- finished a flier for our Russian film series. New project started to create 5 second music clip for the beginning of our videos. Going to mess around with garage band next week at work. :D
Communication class was excellent today— interesting things about stereotypes keeps coming up in all my classes— remind me to write about it later.
Home– Debbie had bought me chocolate and yellow roses because she is a LOVELY, LOVELY, LOVELY person and I am so lucky to have her as a friend. :D
We made mushroom and bruschetta burgers— THE BEST THING. Lit candles and turned on our favorite music.
Nikki texted me and told me to look in the mailbox. Adorable.
He had bought me a copy of his favorite book for us to read together, wrote me a note AND printed off an essay he had written about me a few months ago.
One of the sweetest/most intriguing boys I have ever met. ;) .
And then everyone joined us, potluck style. People were constantly coming and going, and tons of different food and love.
Nikki came over and got to meet like 20+ people, which I apologized for, but he seemed to handle it very well. :)
We ate vegetarian tacos and then went to the living room to talk.
Deb and Dan joined us. :D
Anyway. Ridiculously cute/adorable/wonderful day. And I didn’t even tell you the most insightful/wonderful/eye opening part.
Maybe I’ll just keep that for myself though… I have to have some secrets from the world, yeah?
I’m sure I’ll tell you at some point, but good writers know that suspense is everything.
And I’m too tired to type anymore.
And this would be like a 50 page manifesto.
So I’m going to refrain from getting into it.
But just know that I’m really starting to understand life.
One day at a time.
Love you all so, so much.
Happy Valentines Day to everyone I love, you know I will love you forever. :)
Beginnings of a nudist colony in my house… what are your thoughts?
So THAT’S why the guys have been so belligerent and all around unlikable today– we have had a full, free keg of beautiful beer in our backyard all day.
Really happy I didn’t know about it this morning… but since I’ve found it now…
“The highest form of human excellence is to question oneself and others” – Socrates
Cool your jets with the abrasive preaching, Sunflower.
So I’m just going to brag for a few minutes about how much everyone loves me.
Fixed dinner for three hours with Trina, Paulette and Brian and had a blast..
Ran to Global Partners get together at 7. Ran into a girl in my anthropology class, and then a girl who was in my capstone class last semester..
Met a Peruvian guy. Then met a cute Chinese girl, Ji-ee. Then met two girls in my group- Laura from New Jersey is a grad student in social work and Xiaohua from China is a new mother. Taiwanese girl, Wiki, was added to our group.
Got each other’s numbers and planned to meet up next week and go out. Paired up with a group of boys and planned to go out with them as well.
Then talked to Benjamin from Chile. He was so sweet, really liked talking to him.
Ran off with Lauren after an hour and a half of talking to people, felt completely spent, but completely at home again. This was my life, last year. It wore me the fuck out, but I loved it. This is where I thrive.
Laura from my capstone class is getting together with others from our class to talk about jobs for us after this May.
Bringing Debolina and Lauren from work with me to an Asian studies party this Friday.
Just got out of my Women’s Studies class with Cooper. We sit in the front row.
Falling asleep during lecture, tucked my pen behind my ear. It inevitably fell down a few minutes later, and I spent the next 10 minutes feeling myself up trying to find where it had fallen.
“You can’t do this here, Annie. You need to stop! All the girls in the class are getting aroused. Look at them! Oh- now you’ve got the five guys in the class on board as well..”
Am mysterious enchantress AS WELL AS practical taking-care-of-shit independent woman.
New watch battery in place, new light bulb for desk lamp. Was going to ask someone to do all this for me, or scrap it all, but finally did it all myself- and once I applied myself- I accomplished what I set out to do.
Have not had a night alone to experience feelings in awhile, so I guess it makes sense.
Playing songs Em and I used to listen to, and I started bawling. And still am.
Out of nowhere. Because I am really happy right now and having a wonderful week.
I really can’t feel emotions as strongly when I am around people, it’s when I take that needed time to myself that I realize things that are there.
And it feels really good that I’m crying, but it’s also so ridiculous I’m crying this hard. But I guess I just haven’t realized the full impact of the separation from my LIFE last year and all my wonderful friends, especially my wonderful roommate.
Emily and I drove each other crazy sometimes, but I have never felt so comfortable with someone in my life. We were for real sisters. And it’s so sad I can’t just see her whenever I want to.
And I know I’m super good at detachment and separation and sometimes it freaks me out that maybe I don’t have emotions and am not human. And then something like this will happen, and I’ll be super surprised I’m so sad, but happy to know that I actually do feel. I just let it out in different ways from other people.
Feeling a lot better already. Just so surprised at the overflow of emotion I just experienced. I have not cried in so long, felt really good.
Thanks for a good cry tonight, Em.
And now I’m just torturing myself and listening to all of our favorite songs that we listened to together. Not trying to stop myself from being sad because I think it’s probably healthy to cry over missing you every once in awhile. Good to face everything that makes you sad, get it all out there so nothing can hurt you.
Squirrels digging manically in the snow- perfect.
I think the discussion this morning on the constructs of gender and orientalism went very well. I was really happy that everyone got involved and was open to new ideas and opinions. The idea that stereotypes say more about the people creating them than the ones they are created for is an intriguing concept that was brought up. The origin of culture and gender norms is also an interesting concept, and there were differing opinions on whether stereotypes or behavior came first, which I thought was great. I really admire how everyone in the class is able to use many different perspectives in relation to topics, and bring personal experiences and knowledge into the discussion. I really enjoyed leading the discussion, you are all beautiful people.
Last night in my Int’l law class we touched on Mali a bit. Today in my Anthropology class we talked about colonization and its effects still today. I don’t know how I feel about French and British governments still having so much power over previous colonies. America never had colonies, but we have power over pseudo colonies, like Iraq and Afghanistan etc.
What do you think about that? ;)
Thank goodness for rebellions.
Came home from class, and had a discussion with Jono and Kepler in the kitchen during the house meeting about the toxic and dominating environment at Monday night meetings, talking very passionately and loudly with my mouth full of rice and beans.
Erika came in and wanted five minutes to bitch, so I gave it to her, and it was the most beautifully clear and straightforward bitch I have heard in a long time. And I started yelling and high fiving. And Jono joined because he agreed as well. And we were so excited we weren’t the only ones to notice these nauseating control issues and disgustingly slimy manipulations.
Then Gus comes in, and I yell, “I’m building a revolution, Gus! Do you want to join?” and he says, “They can hear every word you are saying. Can you please be a little quieter?” And I said no problem, I was going to bed anyway.
So I let some of my housemates try the Marmite, and I have to say, I don’t think the taste goes over quite the same here as it does in Britain. You should see the faces! ;) If you come visit (which I would LOVE for you to do) you’ll have to experience Americans’ reactions firsthand to Marmite. Unforgettable. ;) I personally don’t mind it, but I don’t particularly love it. But I love exotic things so much that I will probably eventually convince myself that I live for it. Haha. ;)
Isn’t that funny for me to call something in your kitchen cabinet “exotic”?
America gets more and more interesting by the day. I think I needed to escape it to be able to appreciate it. Living here this year, I am observing it for the first time as a country, not just a home. You’ll probably feel the same after your Korean experience (which I am SUPER jealous of, and, if you are still there the summer of 2014, I will see you there!).
Woke up this morning for class with two thoughts: 1) It’s Monday morning again and I’m that much closer to Friday again. 2) It’s Monday morning of yet ANOTHER week, and I am that much closer to death.
Ever the optimist. ;)
Went to the UKSHA meeting. Sat around and added my two cents for a change.
Debbo and I cuddled on the love seat for the entirety of the meeting and drank green tea.
I’m going to be working with one of the local senators, Marci Francisco, in April on refining, compressing and editing some of the UKSHA documents. I like her. :)
Also, going to be looking into something with Jason about organizing a communication workshop for UKSHA Co-op people. And hopefully turning it into an organic Co-op program. :)
Hanging out with Erin, Carlos and Nikki at 9- so have to go get a little work done before that.
Just got back from lunch with my Grammar Grandma and my Grandpa Posh.
We went to the Mirth cafe. I got vegetable chili with CILANTRO and AVOCADOS on top. Grandma got the biggest quiche I have ever seen in my life. Grandpa Posh curled his mustache as he mused over the menu, humming and hawing over the various options. Finally, leaning back in his chair with a satisfied smile, he settled on a hearty “Croque Monsier with garnish,” and “Why don’t you throw in a hot mug of Paraguayan coffee to go along with it? You have organic sugar, I assume?”
The cafe was humid, and there was condensation dripping from the windows in the dead of winter. The cooks were banging pots and pans around in the kitchen and everyone at the tables were yelling to be able to hear one another. The food was EXCELLENT though, as well as the company and the conversation.
After I finished my chili, as I monologued about my life and everything I am currently experiencing, I successfully reached across the table and licked all three of our plates clean, never missing a beat in the conversation. THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is how you get places in life.
Halfway through dinner, Grandpa Posh declares that “his ears have been accustomed to this rabble,” and “he is going for another cup of coffee.”
I love my Grandparents so much. :)
After brunch, they saved me an afternoon of time and took me shopping at Dillons. Grandma and I talked about food standards, one of our many common interests. :)
I attempted to lure them into my hippie den of chaos and languidness when we got back to the house, but they had already prepared some firm preemptive excuses to rescue them from possible interaction with this infectious place.
Probably good because, if they had seen the bottoms of the feet of the creatures that live here, I don’t think they would have been able to have a peaceful nights sleep for quite some time.
I love making fun of my life. Self depreciation is an art. I respect others so much more when they can laugh at themselves. In my opinion, those are the people worth keeping around you.
Last night Debbo and I got dressed up and went out to eat Zen Zero.
We did not speak a word the entire time there was hot food in front of our faces.
I got yellow curry, she got green.
We met my friend Lauren and her sorority sisters at the Eldridge Hotel, which was the first stop on our pub crawl. Ordered a really pink martini drink, met some people.
Deb and I got our checks: $8 each for one drink. The same amount we had just paid for a PLATEFUL of wonderful food. The girls were flipping their plastic out like it was nothing. Such a different life.
Ran to Henry’s bar, then to the Red Lyon.
On the way there, ran into my other work buddy, Loren. He joined us, and bought me some shots which I definitely felt this morning. :P
The soror sisters bought popcorn, and we sat around a table at the crowded bar and played the “compliment game,” and “Never Have I Ever.” It was like we were at a 5th grade sleepover, and kind of adorable.
For my compliment, Lauren held my hand and told me she had never met anyone who smiled so much and so beautifully. :)
The compliment I got from one of the fraters was he liked my “courage” in piercing up my face. Haha.
I most definitely did not fit in in the looks department. :P
Debolina, on the other hand, fit in like a beautiful gem. ;)
Dan showed up later, and we ended up leaving the sorority/fraternity culture and wandered back out into the world of independence. It was a welcome relief. :P
Went to a bar across the street, no idea of the name, or what kind of drink I bought, all I know is it was the stongest drink I have ever had in my LIFE, and I made Dan finish it.
We talked for an hour AT LEAST about the LAPD ex-cop wagging war on the department. Really interesting conversations. Talking about how he could possibly be any of us, if we lost everything that mattered to us. Strange conversations. We were also very, very drunk.
Some guy came over and sat next to me and joined our conversation. 20 minutes into our conversation with him, Dan made eye contact with me, and I shook my head: On to the next one. Haha.
One of the bartenders came over to talk to the guy, and while he was distracted I made my exit and ran for my dirty, smelly, but at that moment and time my seemingly lovely house.
Later I found myself sitting on the kitchen counter with Holly and Brian at 2 in the morning having a wonderful conversation about introversion, acceptance and communication.
It’s funny, but it always seems to be the awkward quiet people who understand social interactions best, and possibly being part of the reason why they avoid excessive interaction.
LOVELY LOVELY TALKS.
There still are beautiful people in the world. And to me, the most beautiful are the quiet.
Because, we talked about this last night, people who are quiet are much more likely to be engaging in self contemplation, instead of taking up others time to go through things.
And the people I want to listen to are the people who have listened to themselves already. Those are the ones I feel deserve the most attention, and they are the ones who ask for the least.
Ironic that the proponent of free speech in the house dramatically got up and left while I was exercising my voice for the first time in a house meeting.
Fuck you. :)