I Miss That Girl

I’m coming back to my old opinionated self.

Talking to strangers in the street. Had a beautiful moment with a beautiful boy on the way home from school. Eyes.

I am really going to make an effort to stop judging people so much. Maybe social groups mattered a lot when I was younger and more insecure,but recently, the nicest, funniest people I’ve spoken to have been sorority girls and fraters. This is not to say that all sorority girls and fraters are great future friends, but it just goes to show that I need to open up my mind a bit. Expand my horizons further and further. And as I do I get more and more energy to go even further beyond my expectations.

History class today- Lynda’s boyfriend, Cooper, saved me a seat. We actually get on really well– I like him a lot. All of my friends have really, really decent boyfriends. :) Fun to hang out with them all.

Watson library after class– read in the stacks. LOVELY.

I realized I just never ventured far enough into Watson to see the beauty. All over the desks on the main floor in the stacks are racist, sexist and homophobic scrawls. I knew these were here. I did not, however, know that there existed a magical place above all this hatred and anger…

A few floors up and you meet the poets, the dreamers, the mystics and the realists. You meet them the best way there is to meet someone– through the words and writings of their innermost thoughts.

The fact that all of the lyrics, poetry, statements, stories and mysteries are anonymous adds to much to the content of these people’s characters and the general romance of the world. I love the idea that people can  connect and share ideas with each other without ever meeting– but just possibly giving one another the spark they need in their lives that day.

The soup tasted like water and the noodles turned into rice pudding, but there was wine. :)

Jay Patel and Randy joined Debbie and I for dinner, it was such a lovely reunion. We are ALL graduating in a short four months, as well as traveling to all ends of the earth to start new lives soon.

Today was good- though I was so out of it most of the day. School, work, school, and bitter cold.

Home, books, Deblove, Carlos, and 4 free fresh panera bread bagels later I was on my way out the door to a human trafficking lecture at the union. It ended up being shit, but on the walk there, this girl comes out of nowhere and starts talking to me. I was a little taken off guard, then she told me that she was in my class- I didn’t recognize her for a few minutes or so– but then I did. And then: instant awkward friends.

YAY :)

After I got home I joined the house community meeting, and then TJ and I spent an hour reformatting my proposal for the meeting on monday. :)

First women’s history discussion this morning. Cute skinny hipster boy across the room started speaking, and I almost shit myself. He sounded just like my lovely lovely cross-the-ocean-sister, Ms. Em. :)

For the rest of my life, every time I hear a British accent I will probably feel an instant affinity toward them.

Also: girls are damn smart.

Brilliant absent minded Spanish professor, easy going and sweet Italian TA, and a British boy’s perspective. This class is satisfying a lot of my  xenophilic needs.

;)

xxx

Exciting rest of the day. Going through records at work, then laughing and crying with Lauren at the front desk. Loren, her boy replacement, came in, and I talked to him the rest of the day. Lauren invited him, Ben and I out to a bar crawl next friday- she’s so sweet. :)

She’s really breaking a lot of the stereotypes I hold about sorority girls- she brought up feminism today and I asked how that goes over in sorority culture. She said she was skeptical of sororities as well before, but since she joined a few years ago, she’s realized, why WOULDN’T she want to be around a bunch of strong, outgoing and supportive women? Which, I have to say, really has opened my eyes up a bit. Sure, stereotypes have truth, but they are extremes, not actuality. So, thanks, Lauren. For being my friend and helping me become a more accepting person. :)

Went to a lecture by the former Minister of Culture of Afghanistan after work- interesting.Most adorable little man ever.

Walking home, saw the girl I met last night! :)

I just can’t believe how easy it is to meet people when I open myself up to opportunity. How many chances missed, because of lack of confidence or lack of time? No more.

Home- Jordan and I girl talk. Erin and I girl talk. Robbie and I girl talk. And I realize that I am such a girl. And I love it. :)

Debbie’s here now- and we’re going over to Dan’s for pizza and movies.

Ciao, bellos! The world is here for you, open yourself up to it!

xxxxx

I realize, I really like doing things how I want and when I want.

I understand that everyone else has things they want as well, so I do not like to make people do things with me, because then I will feel like I need to do something on their terms.

Planning a date with a boy:

Boy: “Meet me here at this time and do this?”

Me: “Actually. How about we just meet here and then we can do this other thing at this other time?”

DICTATOR.

But really, I’m pretty chill about most things. So when I want things a certain way, it’s important to me that I get that. If that means that I do things on my own, it is much less complicated.

In conclusion: We are now doing things on my terms. Because, if we didn’t, I wouldn’t go. :)

Hungover walk home this morning from Deb and Dan’s place. It was really nice out though– sunshine and all. Love being out in the morning.

Decided to go buy some healthy food to soak up all the alcohol in my body. Had a whole cart full of food– only to discover I had a mere 60 cents on my debit card.

YAYYYYYYYYY Good DAYYYYYYYYYYY

But it’s cool.

After that, I finished my walk of shame home, fought with my finicky space heater, and then read a chapter out of my war book. Going to read 4 more before the weekend’s over.

Headed to library now to take a communications quiz, and then to dillons to HOPEFULLY actually buy some food. Then we have a food meeting at 4:30 (there is no way I am going to get all of this done before then). Brian and I are planning on making calzones (no idea how to spell that, and am too lazy to spell check it right now xx) and salad.

Then Imma go grab a coffee with boy. And then I’m going to stay in my room reading all night. :) xxx

Also, really good date last night.

Let him buy me coffee AND walk me home. I don’t think I’ve ever let a guy do that before. I might be lightening up on my ice-queen status.

People in the house complaining that there is a lack of unity in the house. How is it not “Sunflowery” anymore.

I firmly disagree.

I think most of us are busy people, living busy lives. And this is a great place for us to be right now. And we are making the house what we want it to be for us today.

Casual interactions when we get home that make you feel good. I don’t really have TIME for a much tighter knit community than I am already participating in.

But it makes me feel bad when I am part of what some people are unhappy with in the house.

It would probably be a lot better for these people if we had separate co-ops for people in school, and people not in school. Then we would be more on the same page, and being busy in the school house wouldn’t be offensive to the non school people, and vice versa.

Because, JESUS.

CRYING and shit over the fact that we are so “disconnected.”

I understand their ideals, but it’s not what I signed up for. And I am really happy with the way things are now.

I love being one of the only girls in my International Law class. And I love my badass woman teacher. And I love the fact that she loves law and teaching and is a super great role model.

The Quiet Revolution

Everything that happens in that meeting space is everything that I find most frustrating about society.

The loudest and most emotional get their say, and the rest of us go along with it because we don’t want to rile people up any more than they already are.

I am never attending one of those shitty power grab shit shows again.

I miss that girl that flew across the ocean last year.

I miss that girl that invited in chaos and change, convinced herself she loved it, and freed herself of her fears.

What have I become now?

I have become a girl that is tip toeing around and who feels like the little things are a big deal again. Certainly I am more fearless than before, but I have also gained so much that I am now clinging to the life I have found instead of continuing to expand.

For the past week I’ve remembered how much I love newness and spontaneity. But then today I got all self conscious about it again– and risks began to consume my mind instead of gains.

Balance is essential. But to free my mind from my obsession with risk I have to live in a world of pure gains for awhile again.

I most definitely spilled hot liquid, on myself and others, at least twice today. It was like a comedy of errors. Thoroughly scalding my hand and continuing conversations while in the cafe. Piss yellow tea all over the discussion floor in class.

This has been an odd year, but I am also learning a lot from it.

And I just realized that today.

Job, house, school, friends. So much. In so many different areas.

So many breakthroughs I didn’t even realize were breakthroughs at the time.

“Open up your mind and you’ll find/the sky is yours”

We finally got a digital video camera at work!! No more tapes!!

Got a lot of work done today.

Administrator came by to install updates.

Copied a book for Cathy.

Coordinated video details for a Web Forum online
.

Edited and uploaded recent Brownbag.

Linking up to our facebook page and starting to get fancy with the videos.

AN: But honestly, I’ve only met a few people in my life who understand the theory of determinism. It’s kinda sad, yeah? I think facing the possibility that you are a series of reactions that add up to what you do/are is a lot less depressing than going around your whole life without daring to face the possibility of it. Knowledge is life, yeah?
Ummm, your theory is kick ass. I think there is so much to the subconscious that we don’t know/can’t know. Conversations about supposed superiority of humans, thinking we were different from animals and thus BETTER because of our technology and intelligence. I think animals probably look at us and are like, “THAT SHIT’S CRAZZZZZZZZZZYYYYYY” because they are more in touch with their subconscious and thus the way of the world. I think the answer to the universe could be found in our subconscious if we turned off our consciousness for awhile. Because life is just existence, yeah? But we’ve had this discussion before. We agreed that since we have consciousness we should use it, and all that comes with it, yeah? Except, living in mud huts might help us to find a better balance and bring us closer to nature.
Sorry for the long message– I’m not going to go back and read it because I’ll probably end up deleting most of it, and I love sending raw copies. SOOOOOOOOOO here you goooooooo :D
Also- life is a story. And we write our own narrations, which is cool. And just because life might be mathematically predetermined doesn’t mean it is predetermined from our perspective in our daily lives. It is still exciting and dynamic, and we have the feeling of control which is powerful whether it is actual control or not.
ALSO time is not linear– and I think that’s interesting in the whole concept of determinism and premonitions.
CIAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO xxxxxxxx

AA: ya debating is no fun. tis more enjoyable to explore the unknown through others’ perspectives. its almost disappointing that we agree on so much, it doesnt give us much of a chance to try out our objective reasoning and openness to new ideas.
we’re going to save the world then take it over!! HAHA hey maybe cerebral levels are nonlinear too! :)
gawl, humans are so disillusioned! i wish they could see that. ya you’re right we’re all just here living here. no matter what species you are. we are all confined and liberated by existence. liberated from nonexistence but confined to exist until you exist no longer. or is there maybe some limbo area? thats kind of freaky to think about being in between existence and nonexistence. yeah? what do you think?
also one thing that i have realized is that yes humans have intelligence and can create these amazing tools and devices but more often than not, we become slaves, and dependent,  to the tools we create. to me that only shows limited signs of intelligence. thats something to think about.
also i really love your (yeah?)’s .. i just had to try one out.
thank you for the rants. thank you for the rawness. and thank you for your mind

Sunflower House

Sponsor(s): Annie

Cosponsor(s): TJ

Date Posted: 2/1/13

Date to Committee: 2/1/13

Committee: Community

Date to Vote: 2/4/13

Title of Proposal: Monday Meeting Time Caps

“Proposal Template”

Be It Enacted By The Sunflower House

 

 

Preamble: Whereas meeting attendance and participation has dropped due to frustration among members with house meetings.

 

Whereas, the majority of opinions voiced are the voices of certain people in the house.

 

Whereas this is not always because of a lack of opinions or willingness to participate in the house, but is an organizational and structural issue.

 

Whereas, this proposal will help us learn to be more concise and conscientious communicators, opening the room up on the conversation floor for more voices.

 

Whereas this will increase freedom to converse and make the conversation process in meetings much smoother, engaging and interesting.

 

SECTION 1: Therefore let us set a one minute time limit on the amount of time a person is allowed to speak on a single issue.

Sub-SECTION A: This time limit can be split up into multiple blocks, but cannot exceed   the one minute time limit.

Sub-SECTION B: It will be the facilitator’s job to keep track of member’s speaking time.

Sub-SECTION C: The introduction of proposals will be a reading of the proposal                                        that will not count toward the proposer’s time limit.

Sub-SECTION D: Business items and follow up items will be allowed a 30 second         introduction that will not count toward the introducer’s time limit

 

SECTION 2: Let us put a 2 minute cap on committee reports in which only the reporter speaks, followed by 2 minutes where the stack is opened for clarifying questions only.

Sub-SECTION A: Any further discussion will be moved to a committee space, or to a business item on the agenda.

 

Enactment Clause/Sunset Clause: This Proposal shall go into effect on Monday, February 11, 2013; one week after passage.

 

Comments: This proposal is intended to be the start of a larger discussion on meeting structure and rules of order.

Got out of class, came home, had lunch, took a shower, then walked up to the library in the rain. Printed off a Pho recipe, got a call from Debbie that she had gotten free burrito coupons at work, then ran home to meet her and Randy and head downtown.

It was raining so hard, and we got so wet, but we were smiling and walking arm in arm the whole way. :)

Met Dan at the new burrito place and got free burritos and free beer and margaritas! Had to eat outside on the patio, though. Very cold!

Walked home to Dan’s house and he made us all green chai tea. Randy told me about Nigerian food. They put crumbled up limestone in some of their dishes, and cook the food with the rock inside it to give it extra flavor! I forgot how much I absolutely love hearing about Randy’s home. His parents are coming from Nigeria for our graduation this May!!

Debbie is taking a class on African drama and plays, and her teacher is also Nigerian. I want to read some of the plays with her.

We are all going over to Dan’s house for homemade pizza and a movie on Friday night, should be fun. :)

Drove back over to Sunflower house, and hung out in my room. The boys drew pictures on my wall. Dan drew a creepy ass zombie gnome on my wall by my light switch that is saying: “Save the planet Shut the light off.” I am sure this will be on the wall for YEARS after I’ve left this place.

 –
Retaliation to Soap Boxers
PROPOSAL: 1 minute speaking time limit during meetings

By: Annie

Proposal’s Purpose:
1.       To ensure that everyone who wants to speak gets to speak
2.       A courtesy to other housemates in respecting the value of their time
          and attention
3.       An attempt to promote more house meeting attendance and involvement
4.        To create wider array of voices and issues covered.
I have personally become a bit disenchanted with house meetings as it seems the only opinions voiced are the voices of certain people in the house. I do not believe this is because of a lack of opinions or willingness to participate in the house, I think it is an organizational and structural issue. Therefore, I purpose we give serious consideration to putting a time limit on the amount of time a person is allowed to speak on a single issue. This will help us learn to be more concise and conscientious communicators, as well as open to room up on the conversation floor for more voices.  I do not believe this is taking away freedom to express one’s opinion in any way, I actually think it will increase freedom to converse and make the conversation process in meetings much smoother, engaging and interesting.
Thanks
Annie

Walking to school in the pouring rain this morning; anyone else would have been complaining and completely pissed off, but Deb’s still smiling.

“It’s not bad. It’s an experience!”

I realized earlier today, that I don’t need to be involved in charity projects. It’s awesome if others do it, but it’s just not my thing.

MY THING, which I realized today, is my ridiculously cheesy smile.

It’s been hiding for the past few months and I haven’t been able to find it.

But today, with the wonderful weather and the sunshine and the confidence and freedom that comes with it, I remembered how good it feels to make others feel good. How smiling is a chain reaction of positive attitudes and better lives.Someone smiled at me today, and then I passed it on to the rest of the people I met all day and they to me. :)

I believe simply smiling in everyday life can go just as far as donating money to charities or working relentlessly for an activist campaign. I believe smiles allow people to go further and reach deeper.

Genuine smiles are effortless. They don’t have agendas but they accomplish far more than all the planning in the world could do. There is so much to be said for finding one’s own happiness and being able to spread those good vibes.

Sharing smiles creates the possibility for anything to happen. This I truly believe, if only from my own perspective.

On a gloomy sad day, I can’t get anything done. But sometimes all it takes is one smile from another person, and I’m on fire for the rest of the day. :)

I want to be a spark, not a support. I want to smile at others and start the beginning of their wonderful day, not have them depend on me to provide it.

I want to make an effort to make everyone around me feel comfortable and relaxed. I want to be happy because others are happy.

Smile.  Create that world you want to live in.

Got a wonderful package from my friend Joe from overseas today! Cadbury chocolate, Yorkshire tea and a jar of Marmite. Also, Joe is still planning on coming to America next winter!

Spain has been redeemed. Have a wonderful Spanish history teacher this semester- she is hilarious and so easy going and intelligent! I’m sure she wouldn’t try to mug me in the street or make me sick on jamon.

All six of my professors/TAs are women this semester! Nice change. Not planned at all.

I absolutely love it. I love academia, I’m not afraid to say it. I especially love law and lawyers. We have to write real briefs in this class– it’s going to be so much work! I have such a light load this semester though- it will be fun to push myself in this class and see if I would ever like a future in law.

There is an African guy in my class, which will be an interesting perspective. He mentioned, when we were talking about the International Criminal Court, how is it always African leaders who are prosecuted by it and never Westerners, and he is looking forward to seeing the big dogs there, someday. To which my teacher responded, yes, I completely agree and that there is absolutely no doubt that power treats people differently..

Alarm stat: according to my professor, 1 military returnee a day kills himself. Absolutely horrific. The issues of mental and physical illness lingering long term after a war should be taken more into thought.

Saw professor Najafizadeh twice today in the Russian department! Love her so much, my old sociology professor buddy.

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