Helpful hint #1:
After showering, wait just a FEW minutes for the fogged up bathroom mirror to clear before making drastic chops to one’s own hair.
Helpful hint #2:
When you cannot take your mind off something/someone, just eff your hair up and all problems/anxieties will seem infinitesimal in comparison.
First experience with a sexist pig trying to hold me down. Fucking threw him out the window. No one is ever going to stand in my way. Find power in yourself.
Had the absolute worst day ever; it was cold as hell, I had gone beyond stressed and nothing seemed to be going right.
At the end of the night Erin and I ended up at the kitchen table scooping chocolate pudding out of bowls and listening to ridiculously sad songs. It was pathetic but beautiful.
At one point I checked the mail– and I had the most adorable package EVER, air mailed straight from the UK, from my favorite Birmingham Brit. :) It made my NIGHT. Thank you, Joe Hughes. You get partial credit for what followed…
More people joined Erin and I at the table and the song requests started to get more upbeat. Soon after, there were about 20 crazy American kids jumping up and down, dancing and singing and strip teasing on top of the dinner table to ELO and Spice Girls.
We decided we will hold this event bi-monthly and call it: “Chocolate and Tears.”
‘Cus everybody needs a little bit of both every once in awhile.
“We want to be love, we don’t need to give love”
I want to WRITE MY BOOK.
I want to READ ALL DAY.
I want to finish all these things I have to do as well and accomplish FUCKTONS in my life.
Woke up this morning at 10:30, an hour late for work. Rough morning. Running up and down the hill a million times today and a massive headache from the get go.
Finishing my massive 25 page paper of perfection currently. And it really is not half bad. Headings and subheadings help keep me organized so much. I will write every paper like this for the rest of my life.
Work today– Uzbekistan. And putting my penmanship to use. Got to listen to music and put my feet up on a chair. Not a half bad job at all.
I will be taking 12 hours next semester. Just found out. So I will keep my job probably, and have a similar semester to this one. So that means, LEARN HOW TO DO THIS SEMESTER, girl.
Latin midterm got moved to Monday. Thank god. I will use that.
First coffee of the day at 8:45 pm. Whaddaday.
I have life really good, did you know that? I am in COLLEGE. I am graduating COLLEGE. I am making my way. And no one is going to fucking stop me. Not even myself anymore. x
Also, you will have a few weeks of enforced solitude and reflection, and will most probably come out a much more accepting and loving person.
Woke up this morning to “Food Not Bombs” cooking in my kitchen and free hot food.
Even though it’s bat-shit crazy, this house has its perks.
One of my housemates stumbled upon my mother throwing rocks at my window. Another of them found her trying to store my cell phone in the refrigerator. General consensus: they all think you are the cutest lady ever.
How I hit on boys. I literally just dried my hands off on his shirt. As a joke. But I’m pretty sure he thought I was serious.
I absolutely HAVE to get in the habit of getting up early again or else I am going to lose my job and not graduate.
God. Yesterday I was feeling quite open to the world, and as a consequence made about 72 intriguing new friends. It was a beautiful, wonderful day and I was reminded how surprising and exciting life is and how one should live every moment to its very fullest.
Today I cannot stand a single one of those 72 people.
Go figure. Back to wonderfully uber productive reclusive mode for awhile. I have stories and stories to tell from the past few days– so I will stagger them out throughout the next few weeks
I went to the lecture and it was really good. I teared up at least twice. The lecture was part of the Jana Mackey series; an organization put together by the parents of a 25 year old women’s activism student at KU who was murdered four years ago by her boyfriend in a domestic violence case. Her parents spoke for the first 30 minutes, and I was about to bawl. I still am right now, actually.
After that, the subject of equal pay really didn’t seem like a very big deal, but Lily transitioned to the subject with “grace and grit,” which is the title of her recent book. :)
Lily was in her 60s, and two years from retirement when she received an annonymous note in her mailbox detailing that she had been earning 40% less than the men working at the same position for her for the past 20 years. She immediately contacted the national pay equity organization and started a case that would take TEN YEARS, not winning any money, but getting a bill signed into law in her name aiding in the national fight for equality.
She was a super sassy, Alabamian (Birmingham, Joe! ;)) 74 year old lady and I liked her a lot and was intrigued by her story.
The power of the story.
Laying on my parent’s kitchen floor LAMENTING my life to them as they work hard fixing dinner above me, occasionally tossing lettuce into my mouth to subdue the angry caged vegetarian bear that I am.
Sociology Exam tomorrow. Dissertation rewrite due later this week. Geography exam on Monday and Latin essay which could make or break my grade also due on Monday. Second time I’ve been late to work in the past two weeks (which looks really bad but I have never been late besides these two times, I don’t know what’s going on) and I have to ask in a bit if I can get off early tomorrow to go to an internship fair which I am also not really prepared for.
I want to hide in a corner and cry for a bit. At least my artist sweater is still soft.
Late for work because I accidentally let myself get back under the covers for just a “few minutes” before starting my day.
It’s so cold outside, but my winter jacket feels like heaven.
Worked for a few hours.
Went to Latin: I am now seeing the words on the page in a different way than I have ever seen them in my life, and think I might take just one more semester of this crazy language to seal the deal of our love for one another.
Walked home in a state of calm. Not excited, nor upset. This is a very rare feeling for me- and I soaked in all the zen I could on my five minute walk home. The minute I hit my front yard though, my zen was altered as I had to factor various odd social occurrences into my peace of mind and get moderately pissed off at countless silly things.
BUT I am going to a feminist lecture, so a bit of fire is good for the day. Going to hear Lily Ledbetter speak about her discrimination case and her work toward women’s pay equality. The “Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act of 2009” was the first bill signed into law by President Obama in his presidency.
Going back to work for a few more hours this afternoon, then home for Latin Love and dinner. Will try to get a little bit of facetime in at the house meeting tonight, but then running off to the lecture.
Busy night. But just took a shower and bedhead mohawk has been substantially decreased, so I am feeling much more like a functioning member of society. ;)
Also- found a lovely black sweater that makes me feel like an artist while wearing it. Now I just need a moustache and a beret.
I am both so horrified and so in love with my crazy self.
So tonight I started a new book: “The End of Men” by Hanna Rosin. It just came out this year, and is fairly intriguing. It follows the changing gender dynamics of our time- how women are capitalizing on strengths that were formerly seen as weaknesses and moving fast into the traditionally masculine world, whereas men are more hesitant to do the same into the traditionally feminine world. And how we really don’t need you guys anymore….
Anyway. Was in “book” mode as well as “powerful woman” mode, and this made for a bit of a unique cocktail as I made a trip to the busy social kitchen to refill my teacup.
During this trip I might have made various promises to various people in the room in an extremely short amount of time, then ripped these promises back out of their arms before my tea had fully seeped. This led to great anguish and anxiety in the room, and I, in my robotic book mode, could not be any other emotion than amused. I might have then made another outlandish offer before I was encouraged to stop speaking words and leave the room. :P
This is way funnier in my head because I, of course, know exactly what happened, and I’m just giving you a little taste. You don’t need to know it all. Just know that I went from an extremely shy little girl who never said anything without great contemplation, to a girl who says whatever the fuck is on the top of her brain at the time. The filter has completely vanished. And it’s interesting to see where it is taking me.
Made brunch this morning. Had a lot of fun. Jordan kept using the serving spoon to creepily “cup” our asses. It was weird as fuck. And hilarious.
Ate brunch, read a little of the paper, did a little twittering.
Wandered around the house doing my other chores and accidentally got involved in a few of the recent juicy house dramas. Mmm.
Showered and killed the mohawk. Headed over to Olive to pick up a mug I left over there last night. Currently doing Latin and listening to Belle and Sebastian and drinking Chai.
Running OUT of Chai, so have to stop by Dillons in a bit. Have to also go to library. And also have to learn how to slow down time.
I am going to the rec to work out with Erin in an hour. Then I am going to the Environment meeting. Then I have to go to the maintenance meeting because last night I woke up to a leaking ceiling during a thunderstorm. It felt like the Titanic, and I thought if I fell asleep again I would submerged.
I am doing Latin at the library— look down and realize a puddle of chai tea has coalesced on my Latin homework. I rub it into the paper to create a lovely orange tint on Seneca’s lines.
How did THAT happen, I think to myself. Maybe my lid is not on my mug all on the way— I tilt the mug back and take a big swig to test out my theory. Yes, it is the mug, I conclude with a self satisfied air, as chai tea pours over my papers and my clothing. I casually rub the chai into my paper, then realize there is too much moisture in the pages to absorb anymore. I shut the notebook and wave it around a bit- it’s dry in two minutes.
My Grandmother told me last week that I was “kind of a sloppy person.” I’m pretty sure sloppiness is a form of art.
Project for Mariya over the next few weeks cataloging speeches and documents from the Kazakhstan and Uzbekistan government. Really interesting.
These past two weeks have been absolute hell, with no time for anything but running from work to school. Last week my dissertation was due and I had a geography exam, and I signed up for courses for next semester, and then yesterday I took my Latin midterm.
And today I woke up feeling fresh and excited about life again for the first time in the past two weeks. Halleluiah. Going to stay ahead now and never feel that pressed for time ever again.
Was EARLY for sociology this morning for the first time ALL YEAR. I think my teacher almost had a heart attack. Sociology exam next Tuesday I have to prepare for, but it is a JOY to study. Have I mentioned I want to BE my Sociology professor? :) I know her from when I used to be a secretary in the Sociology department— she is the SWEETEST lady ever. So involved in class, and so busy all the time. Two years ago when I would see her in the office we always had the same conversation almost verbatum:
“How was your weekend?”
“Ohhh– it FLEW BY. Grading, papers, dissertation, reading, so much, not enough time! It feels like everything keeps getting faster.”
“I know, I totally agree!”
And nothing has changed. We still repeat this same exact conversation, with the same enthusiasm and amazement, every Tuesday before class. It’s quite adorable.
At the cafe last night I ordered an orange juice. A dinky plastic bottle was placed in front of me as my cash was simultaneously handed to me, and I yelled
Coffee actually. Coffee coffee coffee.”
Tyler told me he wouldn’t know what to do with me if I wasn’t such a public spaz.
So happy I know I can get out at any time.
Options open forever and for always.
I just voted in my first U.S. election! (HINT: I voted for myself no less than five times. :))
You should always push yourself- but you should never commit yourself to something and stress about it unless it is easy- unless it just flows out of you.
I actually took acceptable pictures at the Brownbag today!
“Proud, that’s what I am. Proud.” -Adrienne
TJ made Pho and rice pudding for dinner tonight, from scratch. It was, beyond a doubt, the only thing I needed in my life tonight. So happy.
Two things I learned very strongly about myself today:
Words not images.
Art not marketing.
This was expressed with various degrees of profanity in my mind and on paper through the day as I struggled with complete lack of knowledge and experience with regard to Photoshop and absolute lack of passion or care pertaining to visual presentations.
Thank god for Beans and Rice Thursdays and Office Inefficiencies!